Being Vivian: The Everyday Life Of A Lagos Big Girl (Episode 6: Back To Reality)
I was jolted out of my unpleasant memory by Esohe’s ringing phone.
“Hey God!” She exclaimed when she saw the caller ID.
The panic in her voice got everyone’s attention instantly.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Na that oyibo man o. Which kain wahala be dis na?”
“Abeg no answer am. Wetin be him problem sef? Shebi your jazz man talk say nobody tief him friend money, abi dem wan scam you?” Voke asked, sounding like she was the one being pestered.
“I jus tire sef,” Esohe moaned.
The phone stopped ringing, but before any of us could even put a sentence together, it started ringing again.
“Is it him again?” I asked Esohe.
“Na him o,” she replied.
“End the call and block his number right now,” Ronke said authoritatively.
“You don’t need to play his stupid games with him and if he’s not careful, he’ll find himself in a police cell too.”
“You could sue him for false allegations, you know.” I told Esohe.
“Abeg I no get that kain power,” she replied.
She did as Ronke suggested and flung the phone on a nearby chair as if putting some distance between her and the device would keep her nemesis away as well.
“Okay, since that problem is solved for now, let’s get back to the matter at hand,” said Ronke.
“Which is?” I asked.
“Your escapades on the wild side,” she answered.
I rolled my eyes. “Ronke abeg leave that matter. So that didn’t work out, but I wasn’t expecting it to end in matrimony in the first place.”
“And matrimony is where a relationship with my brother would lead you.”
“Ronke…” I was becoming mentally exhausted with this conversation.
“And who tell you say my sister wan marry Yoruba man sef?” Voke asked her.
“When did Vivian become your sister?” Ronke asked.
“As e don reach man matter now, she don become your sister. She be Urhobo babe like me, and her papa and my mama come from the same village for Ughelli.
”“Story for the gods,” Ronke yawned.
“Na you sabi,” Voke told her dismissively.
To me she said, “Babes, shebi you know say Ovie senior brother dey for Belgium. The guy get correct money for hand and e go take care of you well well.”
Ovie is Voke’s boyfriend and they’ve been dating like forever but never seem to make it down the altar.
His older brother, Eric, who lives and works in Belgium sends fairly used cars to Ovie to sell and earn commissions from since that one doesn’t have a real job besides his occasional Yahoo boy stints that Voke always denies, even though she knows that we know he’s a crook. If her denial helps her sleep better at night, then who are we judge?“
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''I am so not interested in international relationship,” I said.
“I’ve tried it once and it was worse than my fling with that stupid Ray.”
“Which brings us back to my brother,” Ronke said, rolling her eyes dramatically as if to say duh. I sighed.
“You suppose work as campaign manager for one politician,” Esohe said with a laugh.
“I swear ehn, dem go dey rush you like suya.” We all laughed.
“But it’s true na. My brother is the best candidate for you, Vivian. Why don’t you give him a try?”
“Have you thought how awkward our friendship would be if things don’t work out between your brother and I?” I asked her.
“And do I have to tell you when I have sex with him?”
“Eww, no!” She screamed.
The others laughed. “Look, I promise to stay out of it as much as possible. I promise.”
“As much as possible?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow.
She sighed and smiled mischievously. “Ok fine. I’ll stay out of it completely and I’ll be satisfied with whatever either of you are willing to share. Promise!”
Suddenly, all eyes were on me. I knew Ronke meant well, but I also felt like I was being pressured into making a decision right now about dating her brother or not. Why is everyone so involved in my personal life? Can’t I be single in peace? But then again, what would one date with Segun hurt? Plus it would be like killing two birds with one stone – Ronke would be appeased and I would get the opportunity to confirm that indeed Segun wasn’t my type of guy. QED!
“Alright,” I said finally. “I’ll have one date with your brother and if it gets weird, all bets are off.” Ronke actually cheered.
“That’s my girl!”
“So you go date her brother?” Voke wanted to be sure.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Ronke if e no work out, make you no vex o,” Esohe warned her.
“Abeg shut up. No spoil the relationship before e start.” She snapped.
“Ronke, it’s not a relationship, it’s one date.” I reminded her.
“Same difference,” she said with a wink. I sighed wearily, Dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into this time?
** To be continued in episode 7 **