Being Vivian: The Everyday Life Of A Lagos ‘Big Girl’ (Episode 3: Committee Of Friends Contd.)
Ronke’s declaration elicited different responses from all present. I in particular was baffled.
“Dem no go date before dem marry?” Esohe wanted to know.
“I tire o,” Voke agreed. “And who tell you say Vivian go like marry your brother?”
“Like seriously,” I said.
“Come on, Vivian. You know my brother is a good guy. He has his own law office; he’s a born again Christian and he’s literally 1,000 yards of husband material. You know that.”
Yeah. I knew that Ronke is a kick-ass marketing executive like me, but her saleswoman talent wasn’t working on me right now.
“Ronke, please. You can’t be serious. Are you genuinely considering this?”
“Of course I am,” she said emphatically. “You and I are good friends, my brother is an amazing guy and you practically know the rest of my family because I keep telling you about them. So why not consider it?”
I sighed. How did this conversation get to this point?
“Na lawyer you for just do, I swear,” Voke told her with a laugh.
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“Look Ronke, let me be honest with you,” I began. “I do like your brother, but not in a romantic way. And I don’t mean to offend you, but he’s not exactly my type.”
“Gbam!” Esohe exclaimed.
“I know your type. You like clean cut, decent guys and that’s what my brother is.” Ronke insisted.
At this point, I felt like ripping my hair out of my scalp. “Segun is too decent for my liking,” I blurted out. “He’s too…” I searched my brain for the right adjective but found none, so I settled for, “Good.”
“Good?” Ronke was incredulous. “He is too good? Is that a bad thing?”
The irony of it all wasn’t lost on me, but that was the best way I could put it. Somewhere in my head I could hear my mother’s voice in her tough school teacher tone telling me, “You’re too picky. There is no perfect man out there!”
Yup. Ain’t that the gospel truth?
“No, it’s not a bad thing.” I replied Ronke. “It’s just…well, I kinda like bad guys too you know.”
“Ghen ghen!” Esohe chimed. “I don talk am say dis Vivian go like bad bad tins. Come make I connect you to bad guys jare.”
“Like the one wey send police to come arrest you abi?” Voke countered.
“Abeg you shut up there!” Esohe thundered. “Matter nor dey end for where you dey. Stupid aproko. Dem neva arrest you before? Because you come here now dey form like say you be Queen Elizabeth.”
“Abeg rest. Who see truth make e talk am.” Voke replied. “Your parole nor dey ever pure. E clear say you still dey learn work, so nor dey do like say na you sabi pass.”
“I don know tay tay say na pepper body dey worry you. Na jealousy wan kill you troway so.”
“Jealousy of wetin? Abeg ma hear word.”
“Can you two just stop!” Ronke barked. “Must you guys fight each time you see each other?”
“Help me ask am o, as she nor wan respect her old age,” Esohe said.
“Which old age? Me and you nor be mate?” Voke asked her.
“E don do o!” I cut in.
Voke and Esohe never miss an opportunity to tear each other apart. It’s a kind of unspoken competition between both of them on who’s the tougher South-South babe. It’s so stupid but that’s what it is.
“Na wa o,” Ronke said before facing me again. “Oya Vivian, continue your gist. I’m listening.”
“I don’t have any gist, Ronke. I just like good guys with a bit of a wild streak, that’s all.” I said.
No, she didn’t.
“If my memory serves me right, you did have a thing with one good guy with ‘a bit of a wild streak,’ didn’t you?” She asked.
I knew she wouldn’t drop this subject until she proved to me that she was right and I was wrong.
“Dear Lord…” I groaned and cringed a little as my brain took me on a trip down memory lane.
** To be continued in episode 4 **