Being Vivian: The Everyday Life Of A Lagos ‘Big Girl’ (Episode 2: Committee Of Friends)
The phone call with Esohe had me rushing away from my parents’ house and driving to Maroko Police Station in Oniru, Victoria Island at top speed on a rescue mission.
According to my silly friend, her latest maga called her out of the blue to inform her he would be arriving in Lagos from Texas with some friends. So he asked her to organize some babes to entertain his guys for two nights. Of course, this parole would come with a hefty “settlement” for Esohe who was also expected to show up for the groove. So she rounded up four chicks, and they all went to Raddisson Blu where her maga and his friends were staying for the duration of their visit.
All went well. The Oyibos and all the Ashanas had fun. Money exchanged hands and everyone went their merry way. And then Madam Esohe got a call from her maga the following day, claiming that one of his friends had been robbed of $2,500. She assured him she would get to the bottom of the matter and hung up.
As expected, all the girls denied the theft. In the desperation, she quickly called one of her babalawo friends to run a quick “spiritual check” on the matter. He called her back shortly after to tell her that no money was stolen and that the oyibos were lying.
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Before Esohe could even digest that bit of information, her maga showed up at her apartment with policemen to arrest her. She was allowed to make one phone call, so she called me because according to her, “na you get sense pass for all my friends.”
As much as I didn’t like getting roped into the mess, I had no choice. On my way to the police station, I called my lawyer, Segun, to meet me at the police station. He is the elder brother of my friend and colleague, Ronke.
Long story short, we were able to get Esohe out of the station after a lengthy argument with a nitwit police officer who only spoke pidgin. Plus, he and his colleague wouldn’t let go of Esohe until we paid 10k even though “Bail is free” was boldly painted on the walls. It was an exhausting experience.
After regaining her freedom, Esohe refused to return to her place for fear of being rearrested. So she packed some of her stuff and followed me to my place. And here we are today in my apartment on a Sunday afternoon just chilling when Ronke and Voke (another one of my friends who is absolutely fun to hang out with and has a ‘drama full’ life) popped in.
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“Ex-convict!” Voke yelled in between bouts of laughter. “Na your eye be dis? How prison life?”
Esohe clearly didn’t find the joke funny. “If na play make you stop am” she said angrily.
“Ahn ahn, you don vex be dat?” Voke asked, still laughing. “See you wey dey form hard girl. You spend one minute for cell, you run come Vivian house. Shame nor dey catch you?”
“Okay, Voke. That’s enough,” I quickly interjected before Esohe could fully explode. I was in no mood for an Urhobo gangster and a Benin warrior going at it right now.
“You need to stop, Voke. It’s not funny anymore,” Ronke agreed.
“Okay o, I don hear. But if to say na me now, Madam Esohe no go let me hear word” Voke said before sitting her bootilicious behind down.
Esohe hissed, Ronke giggled, I yawned.
Voke asked, “Wetin dey happen today na?”
“Nothing much jare,” I replied. “I’m so bored!”
“Why you no call your guy to carry you comot?” Voke asked me.
“My guy?” I responded in confusion. “Na who be my guy?”
She gave me a puzzled look. “That Seun na, abi na Segun sef?”
Ronke perked up, “Segun?”
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I sighed. Her brother, Segun, had actually asked me out recently but I turned him down because first off, he’s my friend’s brother and secondly, he’s my lawyer. Can’t be mixing business with pleasure. Plus he really isn’t my type.
“Which Segun?” Ronke asked, looking at me.
“Ugh! I should have known this yeye Voke is a basket mouth.”
“Shu! Na secret?” Voke wanted to know.
Ronke’s eyes were as huge as saucers by now. “My brother asked you out and you never told me?” I couldn’t quite gauge her reaction right now. Was she happy or mad? I couldn’t tell.
“Oh my gosh! We’re going to be sisters!” She squealed with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Na beans?” Esohe muttered and rolled her eyes.
“Marriage don set be dat na,” Voke laughed.
I was becoming more and more confused with every passing second. “What are you all talking about?”
“Babe, you should totally marry my brother!”
** To be continued in episode 3 **