Being Vivian: The Everyday Life Of A Lagos Big Girl (Episode 10: Home Zone)
After sitting in traffic for over 3 hours, I finally got home a few minutes before 9 p.m.
My father was livid because he hated night crawling plus the fact that I didn’t call ahead to let everyone know I was on my way home (so that he can spend the whole time bugging me with endless phone calls to track my movement).
“Since you know you’re coming here today, why didn’t you leave home sooner?” My father asked angrily for the hundredth time.
I suppressed a sigh. “Daddy, I just told you now that I wasn’t coming from Lekki directly. I met with a friend in Ikeja, that’s where I’m coming from.”
“Then you should have left Ikeja sooner. How many minutes does it take to get here from Ikeja?” He bellowed.
“Papa Ovigwe, it’s okay na,” my mom interjected. “Shebi she’s home now.”
“Oh ho! So I should keep quiet abi?” Dad asked dramatically.
“I did not say so o,” Mom replied quickly.
“Issokay. No problem. I am trying to caution my daughter – my own daughter, and you’re telling me to keep quiet abi? No problem” Dad returned his attention to the TV where a boring political show was on.
“I didn’t tell you to keep quiet o. God is my witness.”
I finally sighed. The drama in this house is one of the reasons I stay away most times.
“Go inside na,” Mom told me when she noticed I was just standing there looking like a lost sheep. “Vwede is inside.”
“Is her school on break?” I asked.
“Yes. They’re done with this semester’s exam.”
“He’s still in school. Said he will come home next week.”
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Our last born, Benjamin, was never in a hurry to return home from his school in Akure, where he’s studying Computer Science. According to him, being in school with his ‘peeps’ was more fun than coming home and running endless errands.
On my way to my room, my younger sister, Esther a.k.a. Oghenevwede, was coming out of hers. She did a double take when she saw me.
“Ahn ahn, Sisi Vivi, you no talk say you dey come house today o,” she said.
“Oya pursue me na, Road Safety,” I replied, calling her by her nickname which we all gave her because she has a habit of ‘stopping and searching’ anyone who comes home to see what she can get from them.
She laughed. “Calm down na. Meanwhile, which party are you coming from? Because this your dressing no be small thing o.”
I smiled mysteriously as I unlocked my bedroom door to let myself in. “Mind your business,” I said to her.
“Ah…tori dey be dat o! Sisi Vivi come and gist me joor.”
She followed me into my room without being invited. Esther’s love for gossip was stronger than her love for makeup or her popular DJ/OAP boyfriend, Femi.
“Aproko no go kill you,” I said to her even though I was also eager to give her the gist of my date with Segun.
Esther and I may be six years apart in age, but we were closer to each other than either of us were with Florence, my immediate younger sister who is two years younger than I am.
Florence was a loner, and it was a major surprise when she met and married her husband, Tochukwu within a year. She never struck me as the type to settle down so quickly after a whirlwind romance, but I’m glad it’s working out well for her.
“Oya talk joor,” Esther prompted me as she sat beside me on my bed where I was taking off my shoes.
“What? Do you want to sit on my head to hear the gist? Abeg shift joor,” I told her.
She got off the bed and sat on the floor, looking up to me like a hungry puppy. “If you want sef, I can sit on the door or the ceiling, just gimme the gist abeg. What’s up?”
I laughed. Esther is such a clown and I love her sense of humour. I rubbed my sore feet and began the gist from the very beginning, starting at where Ronke suggested that I date her brother. My sister listened with rapt attention till I finished.
“Ehen? So what is the issue?” She asked me when I finished.
“To be honest, I don’t know,” I told her truthfully. “He’s not so bad, but then again, I can’t judge with just one date.”
“I don’t know why you’re thinking too hard about this. If you like the guy, date him na. What’s the big deal?”
“You’re right. I don’t know why I feel weird about it though,” I said.
“You don’t have to marry him if you don’t want to.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Who said anything about marriage?”
“Good. Since that’s not an issue, go ahead and enjoy yourself. You’ve been single for too long sef.”
“Thank you o, accurate time keeper.”
She laughed. “And mind you, all those gentle guys are pretenders o. Most of them are tigers in bed.”
“Vwede!” I screamed in horror. “Oya get out of my room. Spoilt child.”
She continued laughing. “Abeg stop joor, are you a virgin?”
“I’m not discussing my sex life with you. Bye!”
“Ok o. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just remember to keep some painkillers in your handbag because you’ll need them afterwards. Gentle guys are serious bangers!”
I couldn’t take it anymore – the silly girl was deriving so much pleasure from embarrassing me. I dragged her off the floor and shoved her out of my room before slamming the door shut.
** To be continued in episode 11**