The other day, a friend and I were chatting about weddings and I mentioned how I plan to keep my wedding guest list to a maximum of 150 people. She looked at me like I’d just said I spoke to president Buhari last night, before bursting into laughter.

“This is Nigeria Onna, it’s just not possible” she said between fits of laughter.

“By the time you factor in family and friends, plus your parents and in-law’s friends, you’re already talking 150 people” she continued.

My friend did not lie.

Weddings in Nigeria are hardly ever quiet, simple affairs nor do they have 150 guests. They are loud, usually costly and have an upwards of 300 guests – invited and uninvited.

That said, here are 6 types of guests you can expect to find at an average Nigerian wedding.

1.  Village relatives that are completely unknown to bride and groom: Because the average Nigerian usually has an entire battalion of relatives; usually older, who live in the village and hardly, if ever, set foot outside there. Said relatives will usually sit at a vantage point of the wedding reception venue and are never shy about demanding for food or souvenirs when it’s time to share both.

Nigerian wedding

2.   The squad: What’s a Nigerian wedding without a squad? They’re a group of the bride/groom’s friends who’ll usually be decked out in aso-ebi, have the most assortment of drinks on their table, take endless photos/videos and dance till they’re the only guests left when the dance floor is declared open.

3.  The mogbo mo yas aka wedding crashers: The real MVPs, these people have absolutely no connection to the bride/groom but simply dress up and go from one wedding to the next collecting food, drinks and souvenirs.

4.   Friends of the friends: One step above the mogbo mo yas, they also don’t know the couple personally but are friends of friends of the bride/groom. They’ve accompanied said bride/groom’s friend for the free food and the prospect of hooking a bae.

Nigerian wedding

5.  The “I just came to showface” guests: Usually work/business acquaintances of either the couple or the couple’s parents, this group have merely come out of respect to either the couple or their parents’. Once they make eye contact with whomever has invited them, they’re out the door faster than can Femi Adesina can get Buhari on the phone.

Nigerian wedding

6.   The women with the tray of the choicest food meant for only “their people”: They’re an army of the bride/groom’s mother’s closest allies who constantly have a food server carrying an assortment of food trailing behind them. These trays are usually packed with the choicest meals which you won’t find on any other table, and when the small chops finally arrives, you can bet it’ll be manned by this army of aunties.